Bipedalism: The Next Step

Several days ago, after becoming overly frustrated spending five minutes flat on my belly, I had a spontaneous realization that I could, through determination and brute strength, heave myself onto hands and knees and impart mobility into my otherwise stationary existence. Alas, I crawl! Gone are the days of wallowing in a drooly morass of overdone toys. Gone are the days of wasting on my bum, staring at the clouds with only my daydreams to explore. And yes, father, gone are the days of your peaceful, sentinel days at your screen. I am free I say! Hand passes hand in a forceful march as my knees swing elegantly under ever-strengthening hips: I crawl for those who shall one day also rise. Gone are the days!